Historical puns are high class humor okay
Why is England so damp? The queen has reigned there for years.
What did Mason say to Dixon? We’ve got to draw the line here.
Who built the ark? I have Noah idea.
Why did the ghost of Anne Boleyn always run after Henry? She was trying to get ahead.
How did the Vikings send secret messages? By Norse code.
How did the Roman cut his hair? He used some Caesers.
John Quincy Adams, the first President of the United States to be photographed, and crazy motherfucker. He somehow managed, in an extremely hostile environment, to talk Spain into more or less handing over Florida. He refused to be sworn in on a bible, (instead choosing a book of laws), to underline his firm belief in the separation of church and state. He fought against slavery (during a time when it was very risky to be against slavery), and talked Congress into providing funds to set up the Smithsonian Institute.
Andrew Jackson thought he should be “confined to a hospital” because he was “demented”. William Henry Harrison judged him to be “a disgusting man” who was “dirty and clownish”. Martin Van Buren called him “quite awkward”.
Sounds like my kind of guy.
I salute you, sir.
…Guys, using the extended metaphor of a ship for the government Wilhelmine Germany steering a choppy course through huge, churning economic and social changes with the winds of the SPD and social unrest pushing against them but the Kaiser being a grumpy captain who isn’t about to dismantle the whole thing into a speedboat because then there would be no room for him- that’s okay, right?
No. No it is not. Go to bed, Lime.
This day in history:
Minutes before giving a speech on a campaign stop in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Theodore Roosevelt is shot in an assassination attempt.
The would-be assassin’s bullet is slowed down after travelling through a steel eyeglass case and the folded, fifty page speech he intended to give, stopping in his chest. Realizing that he wasn’t coughing up blood, Roosevelt figured he was well enough to go ahead and deliver his speech rather than rush to the hospital.
He spoke for the next 90 minutes, opening with the words:
“Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose.”
Doctors deemed it too risky to remove the bullet, and Roosevelt carried it with him inside his body for the rest of his life.
October 14, 1912 - 99 years ago today.